Step 5
Now that we know:
What your “Core Fear” is.
What your chief and secondary defenses are.
How your defenses backfire.
How fear distorts our perception of events.
The last step in this process is to learn how to stop the cycle that is causing your problems, uncomfortableness, anxiety, pain & suffering you are experiencing.
The Deconstructing Anxiety Method teaches us that when we give into our fears, even if there is no evidence to support our fears are true, we make the problem even more “real” and more “powerful” in our minds then it really is.
This happens because fear distorts our experiences, perceptions and understanding of reality. (see the deceptions and manipulations of fear)
The solution to freeing yourself from the cycle, that is the worrying, uncomfortableness, anxiety, and the deceptions of “fear”, it is as simple as …….
“Turning Towards” the problem, not away from it.
Only by Turning Towards the problem, that is, “doing the opposite” of your defense, can you expose your “fears” for what they really are, a lie.
This idea is supported by several studies. In one 2022 study on anxiety disorders, it revealed that 94% of the time a persons anxiety turns out to be an unjustified feeling once they allowed themselves to face the fear without using a defense.
“My life is the complete opposite of everything I ever wanted it to be. ”
“If every instinct you have is wrong, then the OPPOSITE would have to be right.”
What does it mean to do the opposite of your defense?
It is meant to be taken literally, as soon as you become aware you are using a defense, do the opposite of your current actions.
For example, when you become aware you are using the defense of people pleasing, do the opposite by expressing what you are thinking, want or need, even if it goes against what other people are saying.
Another example is, when using the defense of avoiding when there is conflict with another person, do the opposite by intentionally addressing the conflict with that person.
This is why knowing your defenses is important, so you are able to employ the solution, “Turning Towards” the problem by doing the opposite of your defense.
Before your next session, work on “turning towards” your problem, even if you feel uncomfortable or anxious while doing it. After you successfully “turn towards” a problem, fill out the form below. You only need to fill out the form once before our next session.