Step 1
1st Principle: Core Fear
During our counseling session we deconstructed one or more problems on the whiteboard to determined your PRIMARY “Core Fear”.
It was one of the following:
The loss of “Love and Connection” (also called the fear of abandonment)
The loss of “Identity”
The loss of “Meaning”
The loss of “Purpose”
The “Fear of Death”
If we did more than one problem deconstruction, you saw that no matter what problem we deconstructed, it always had the same Core Fear. That does not mean we never have thoughts, situation or events related to the other four “fears”. It just means we each have a primary fear that is the lens we use to interpret, not only the other four fears, but also how we see the world around us. This is an important part of this principle because this is one reason events are "interpreted" differently.
2nd Principle: Using a Defense
As we are experiencing a situation or event, the survival mechanism in our brain will always ask the question:
Is this situation or event a threat or scary
If it answers yes, we will use a defense - that is, our “primary strategy for protecting ourselves” from the threat or danger.
All defenses are about controlling the threat or danger.
we can use “direct control” against the threat, a few examples are:
Will give demands to others without listening to what they have to say first.
Will yell, shout, etc. to get our point across.
Will make, what should be a joint decision, on your own.
Will use manipulation or misinformation to get your way.
Will overwork yourself to “get it done” because if you ask for help they will not do it right.
And others…..
Or we can control the situation by “avoiding” the threat.
Will people please to avoid saying what we really think or want.
Will use passive aggressive communication to get our point across with out directly saying it.
Will procrastinate to avoid the conversation or task.
Will listen to what someone says, but never respond or just walk away.
And others…..
If we did not start the process of what your typical defense looks like when faced with problems, we will in the next session.