Step 3
Highlights of Past Principles
1st Principle: Core Fear
Everyone has one PRIMARY “Core Fear”: The loss of “Love and Connection”, “Identity”, “Meaning”, “Purpose” or The “Fear of Death”
Our primary Core Fear is the lens we use to interpret, not only the other four fears, but also how we see the world around us. This is an important part of this principle because this is one reason events are "interpreted" differently.
2nd Principle: Using a Defense
As we are experiencing a situation or event, the survival mechanism in our brain will always ask the question:
Is this situation or event a threat or scary
If it answers yes, we will use a defense - that is, our “primary strategy for protecting ourselves” from the threat or danger.
All defenses uses controlling behavior to defend against the threat.
Avoiding behavior is a type of controlling behavior.
3rd Principle: Defenses Always Backfire
Defenses always backfire when used in relationships!!!!
Anxiety that comes from the fear response is deeply-rooted in the human condition. Meaning, we are wired from birth with a fear response as part of our survival mechanism, which is why it is instinctually turned on when confronted with a threat.
Where this survival instinct fails us is when we see “threats” in our relationships. To be more specific, it is when we see “emotional threats”. Because our brain does not see a difference between a physical threat vs. an emotional threat. Therefore, in both situations, the result is the same, our fear response is activated, which then activates one of our defenses to protect against the threat.
Is The True Cause of Suffering
The reason that defenses “always” backfire is because when using defenses to “control” what our brain perceives as a threat, does not work in relationships like it does with physical danger. In a relationship, the defense is trying to “control” every variable outside of yourself. This is why not only does our defenses ALWAY BACKFIRE, but usually makes the situation worse.
New: 4th Principle: Anxiety’s Definition & Detection
When used in the Deconstructing Anxiety Method
The term anxiety is more than just clinical symptoms
Types of Pre-Anxiety
—> the lowest level of pre-anxiety is a “problem”
—> if left unresolved it turns into a feeling of “uncomfortableness”
—> if left unresolved it turns into a feeling of “worry”
—> if left unresolved it turns into a feeling of “frustration”
Types of Anxiety
—> if left unresolved it turns into feeling “anxious” with traditional anxiety symptoms
—> if left unresolved it turns into feelings of “panic”
What is Automatic Pre-Anxiety or Anxiety?
How to Identify if There is a Problem & Why.
Look for defense
Becoming AWARE that you are experiencing pre-anxiety or anxiety is critical to fixing the overall problem.
New: 5th Principle: Fear Manipulates Our Perception
Fear manipulates our perception, distorting our experiences to look very different (i.e. scarier) than they truly are.
Fear, with its shapeshifting ability, manipulates our perception, twisting our understanding of the objective truth of things and throwing horrific images before our eyes. It warps our picture of reality, throwing upon it a cast of darkness and insecurity.
As described in the "Deconstructing Anxiety" model, there are eight such manipulations, ways fear distorts our perception. Here's a brief look at the first four of these manipulations, to shed some light on their insidious nature and offer insights into how we can unravel them.
The Hypnotizing Effect of Fear: Fear acts as a master hypnotist, creating a trance-like state that has us fixate on imagined catastrophes. This simply fills our minds with fear on a repeating loop.
The Lie of Fear: Fear convinces us that every potential threat can happen at once, overwhelming us with a kaleidoscope of anxieties. In truth, things can never unfold as fear predicts, because any given moment only affords the possibility of one set of circumstances at a time. Even if fear's predictions were to come true, they could never come true all at once.
The Demand of Fear: Fear demands action, urging us to frantically seek solutions to relieve our anxiety. This creates a relentless pursuit of control that simply heightens our fear, because we realize we can never get complete control over all imagined threats.
The Ruminative Quality of Fear: Fear compels us to ruminate endlessly on our worries, replaying worst-case scenarios in our minds in a futile attempt to find reassurance. Yet, the more we dwell on our fears, the more entrenched they become, fueling a vicious cycle of anxiety.
The intricate relationship between fear and truth. Fear is what triggers all suffering. It does this by distorting our perception of reality, convincing us to look at only what we feel safe to see, to believe only what aligns with our established beliefs. It tells us all the rest is too threatening to consider. This creates a subjective "reality” that, in the end, has us thinking about all the scary things we are working so hard to keep out of awareness!
Fear uses 5 primary deceptions to accomplish its goal:
1.It keeps us from seeing that it is ubiquitous, a constant way of thinking and feeling when we are not wholly fulfilled.
2.It keeps us from realizing it is the true source of any problem.
3.It keeps us from looking directly at it to see it for what it is.
4.It keeps us from facing and moving through it when necessary.
5.It keeps us from looking at or facing the correct fear.
The Deconstructing Anxiety Solution helps us to gain deeper insights into fear's manipulation of our perceptions and how understanding them can lead to a life of freedom and fulfillment.