Understanding Daily Dialogue's Purpose

If you are asking, why do we need to do this? The answer is simple. 

  1. I have found, when I assign homework that has to be done more than one time, it keeps getting put off by the couples. However, when I started requiring verification it was completed, like filling out the form below, I found that it is more likely to get done.

  2. The second reason, by the time most couples get to the counseling stage, they have physically and or emotionally withdrawn from their spouse. Numerous research has proven that “daily positive interactions” are essential for a healthy, connected and intimacy filled marriage. 

  3. Because you are required to give a “genuine” complement each day to your spouse, it "forces" you to pay attention to them and what they are doing to find the complement. This helps you get out of your old pattern of focusing on yourself to also focusing on your spouse.

Daily Dialogue Instructions

Is an intentional effort to talk about your relationship, rather than discussing your activities that day. The focus of this dialogue should be on your feelings about each other and your lives together. The most important part about the daily dialogue is that you TALK. In the beginning focus more on you're talking rather than the quality of what you talk about. But over time transition to the quality of what you're talking about.

Set aside ten minutes minimum per day (to start and build it up to 30 minutes) to discuss anything related to your relationship. 

 - Here are some suggestions:

  • What did you enjoy about your relationship interactions today? 

  • What was dissatisfying about your relationship today?

  • How was your spouse helpful to you today?

  • What new opportunities did you have to connect today?

  • What limited your connection today?

  • etc...

Daily Compliment Instructions

Daily compliments help you focus on the positive things you like about each other. -- Positivity Breeds Positivity --

To Start: Every day give your partner at least one genuine compliment.

  • These can be general "you are fun to be with"

  • or specific "I appreciate that you were on time for the concert")

​​Then: Once you are able to give one compliment a day consistently, increase it to two.

Also: You want to make sure you are showing your appreciation to them by including statements like:

  • Thank you - thank you for doing the dishes

  • Please - can you please give me a glass of water

  • Appreciate - I appreciate it when you listen to me